Oh my god sex ... Sexual Etiquette

He: So you have gone out you liked each other and now you want the relationship to go on to a more physical level. You decide it is going to happen on the next date "I am going to make my move". So what exactly do you do? Personally I think that the Boy Scout motto of "always be prepared" is a good one. As a result HAVE AT LEAST ONE CONDOM I don’t care whether you like them or not. At this point in time you probably don’t know how your potential partner feels about it. Even if they don’t want to use a condom the very fact that they offered the use of one show that you are health conscience and concerned for their safety. I don’t think there is a lot of people now that would look at someone requesting the use of a condom as a personal insult. And if they did I would be concerned with sleeping with that personal anyway.

She: I personally think that in a lot of areas of sexual etiquette people should just use their common sense. In this strange e-world we live in, sometimes people are more willing to discuss sexual fantasies that does not necessarily translate into what they would actually be comfortable doing in real life. Also, people in cyberspace discuss unsafe sex practices, be clear beforehand what type of precautions you will take for pregnancy and STDs. It is better to get those things cleared up ahead of time and before the hormones start raging. He tells me this is an unreal conversation.

He: I don’t know about you but I don’t know how to slip "I like my nipples sucked" into casual conversation. I agree that nothing should be done without mutual consent but the finding out process is part of the fun. Start slow and take it from there and let your partner be your guide.

She: What I meant was that many people start off their e-lationship via instant message or chatrooms or via email. Some times that gets really racy. It is not something you will say to another person over the sushi on the second date but in a chatroom you may be more forthcoming with your wants and desires.

He: Okay. Now I can see where you are coming from. Another thing to be aware of is that your potential partner doesn’t "owe you" sex. No matter how good you look or how good the dinner you cooked or how much spent on dinner… Hopefully this is something special that is going to be shared between the two of you. Treat it as such. And of course don’t mistakenly pass up the opportunity if it occurs and you want to take advantage of it. If you are invited in for coffee it doesn’t really matter if you like coffee or not. You are being asked to spend so time alone with the person in a private setting. That offer probably isn’t offered to everyone so take it. If you pass it up now, there’s a good chance that you won’t be asked again.

She: I could not agree more … no one is owed sex. He has made a very good about being invited in for coffee. I actually had a man refuse and then days later realized what a jerk he was. Luckily he called and asked could we have that coffee now. Many women would take that as a personal affront and move on. Even if you are too tired or have an early morning appointment … don’t pass up the opportunity for that private time. Also remember it is considered very forward by some people to have someone invite themselves in. Wait for an invitation. You should not read anything into not being invited in either. Okay He now you’re in the door … now what?

He: How the heck should I know?!!! It’s different in every situation so you have to play it by ear but proximity is a very good thing. If you are in control of the environment set the mood with music, candles or something to help establish and intimate setting. If not, take your cue from your partner. Offering to massage tired shoulders/feet or helping with the dishes will get you into position to make your move

She: Again, I can’t stress personal hygiene enough. When preparing for the big night don’t drown yourself in cologne most people hate it, just don’t admit that they do. There is nothing wrong with bringing along a travel size toothbrush and paste. They fit easily in you handbag or suit pocket. If you have been out on the town and feel like you need a shower there is nothing wrong with stating that, if it is your house. If you feel so inclined, you could perhaps have your date join you. It’s a great way to break the sexual ice and get squeaky clean in the process.

He: The showering thing is also good if you aren’t invited to join in the shower. Remember that scene in Sea of Love when Ellen Barkin goes into the shower and Al Pacino is freaking out in her bedroom trying to figure out to do? Well hopefully you’ll be a little calmer that that but it is a good opportunity for you to get your act together and pop in a breath mint or something.

She: If you are in your apartment, make sure it is clean and tidy, a freshly made bed, clean bathroom, etc. As He has already pointed out you need to set the mood with candles and music. Remember to always be prepared …be sure to have everything you need in the nightstand ... not out in full view. As He said this is the time to try things out and to see what you each like … not to insist on one particular thing. Definitely keep any toys away from plain sight … even if you have discussed their use previously. The first few times it should just be the two of you discovering each other. Remember that you must respect other people’s boundaries. If someone says no or not to do a certain thing you must respect that. If you want to discuss it later that is fine, but during the act is not a time to negotiate. The moment the act is over (in your eyes) is not the ideal time to go run and jump in the shower. This could be interpreted that you feel you got dirty from your partner. To suggest a joint shower would be fine. Nor is it the time to hop into your clothes and hit the road. That is very bad form. A certain period of time to just relax and catch your breath is mandatory here. Guys take note – most women like to have a few minutes of cuddling time - not a lot - but a little while just to get their equilibrium back.

He: That’s easier said than done. There’s something bio-chemical that goes on that must be the same thing that makes people flee traffic accident. I don’t know about other guys but I feel the overwhelming desire to leave "while my stock is still high". But She is right., fight the urge to flee but DON’T go to the other extreme and just fall asleep.

She: Hey you think these rules are tough you should see what it was like in the Victorian Era - check out this cool link to find out more .....

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